Breakfast in Bed

My husband brings me breakfast in bed every morning. Yes! Isn’t he amazing?? I joke that I’ve really milked the breakfasts in bed from this whole pregnancy/birth thing (he did it while I was pregnant too!). It’s usually either raisin Ezekiel bread with almond butter and jelly or toaster waffles topped with almond butter and fruit. Pretty easy stuff that doesn’t take too long, but tastes delicious. Sometimes he brings me a banana too.

Because he does this, I’m able to just nurse Alex in the morning and, without ever getting out of bed, go back to sleep with him for the long morning nap he usually takes. I definitely need this nap (and another one later on) if I’m going to get through the day. From the time we go to sleep (usually around 11:30 pm, and I’m really not sure why it’s so late) to the time my husband wakes up around 6:30, Alex wakes up once or twice to nurse. I change his diaper each time, though I have noticed he pees a lot less at night and rarely poos during the night anymore (fine by me!).

Sometimes his nursing times are short (10 minutes), but usually they’re more like 30 minutes. When he’s done I try to keep him upright for 15 or 20 minutes so he spits up less and has less reflux. Anyway, by the time all this is done I’ve been awake for probably an hour. Thankfully, I usually have no trouble going back to sleep. 🙂

What’s my point here?…. I guess I just wanted to say that my husband is wonderful and that without the little things he does to make my life easier I’d be so much more tired than I am! I don’t function well on too little sleep. Maybe I’m too old to run on fumes. Some moms say that their bodies adjust and they are fine, but I don’t think I work that way.  Severe lack of sleep makes me angry- at Alex even- and that’s not ok with me. Between what nighttime sleep I get and the couple of naps I try to take each day with Alex, I do ok. I still rarely get more than a couple of hours sleep at a time, which is probably slowly driving me insane but….. I’m ok.

Sometimes I eat my waffles in near complete darkness and sometimes I drop my food on Alex. Yesterday morning I got some blueberries in his hair- whoops!  Someday, when I’m leisurely enjoying my breakfast in the kitchen, at the table, in the company of my husband- my Alex off at college somewhere- I’ll remember those mornings when I  cuddled him close and tried to eat waffles from a plate balanced on a white comforter and….. I’ll probably miss these times. 🙂


Coming Soon….

Hi all! Sorry for my long silence. I just wanted to assure you that I will be working on writing Alex’s birth story and that I should be posting it within the week. I wanted some time to process what happened, but now I want need to write it so I can move on to writing about life with a newborn. I was texting a friend today about a few things regarding life as I now know it and realized that talking and sharing (and blogging) are really going to be necessary to get me through these weeks and months with my sanity intact! 🙂 I should have been reaching out to friends sooner because it really makes me feel more upbeat.

So anyway, a good part of the birth story may have to be written via Swype on my phone during late night breastfeeding sessions (just like this post), but I’ll hack it out some way or another. It was the most incredible, most challenging experience of my life, and I can’t wait to share the details!

35 Weeks, 1 Day: Mama Bear is Appearing… aka I’m Freaking Out!

Last night I completely broke down and started crying and freaking out because we don’t have furniture in the nursery yet….  I think frustration over my hip problems and not being able to get out and even walk in stores was a huge contributing factor, but I also just really don’t feel ready.  35 weeks has been one of the landmark weeks in my mind all along and, now that it’s here, the birth feels so imminent.  One week until I can have a home birth, two weeks until Baby is full-term, five weeks until our due date….  I just wanted to feel more prepared by now, inside and out.

The ironic part is that this whole breakdown came just a couple hours after I sat there and  told my husband that I DID feel ready.  Proof that I’m going insane.

And now, today, I’m crying again because I’m trying to make plans for postpartum so that things can go smoothly and the three of us can have plenty of privacy and bonding time, but my wishes are all coming across as cold and rigid.  Not what I want to communicate.  I’m just scared.  Very scared.  It’s something completely new, having a baby to care for, and the reality of that is much scarier than the prospect of birth itself.  Probably because I feel so protective of the baby and know that he/she will suddenly be out in the world where all kinds of things can and will happen….  I feel so selfish, but I just want to keep my baby close for awhile and not let the rest of the world in unless I feel like it.  And maybe I will feel like it, but I just want to be in control of that.  Aha- control!  That’s probably the real issue- my need to always control things.  I know in my head, in my rational thinking, that I can’t, but it doesn’t mean I don’t naturally want to or that my mommy instincts aren’t already kicking in in larger-than-life proportions.  I know that some people, if they see that, won’t understand, but I guess that’s just going to have to be ok.  I’ve been given a protective instinct for a reason, and the best I can do is use utilize it to make good things happen for our family.

When I think realistically about our life, I KNOW that we aren’t going to have a problem with tons of people dropping by, wanting to stay for hours, wanting to touch Baby with disease-ridden hands, wanting to give unsolicited advice, trying invade our space, wondering why we’re taking a few weeks out just to focus on Baby.  Most people have done this before, and they understand.  We do a great job in our regular life of safe-guarding our time together and making our home a peaceful inviting place, and our families are respectful and sensitive.

Really, I don’t need to worry, but still I do sometimes.  Maybe it’s the horror stories you hear of people who have had some really bad experiences postpartum.  I remember the first time I started to worry about this- when I read a this-is-how-it-really-is account of feeling sore, sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, smothered etc. and just wanting people to freaking back off!  It made me worry that I’d feel that way too and that I wouldn’t know how to handle it.   Hopefully, though, by dealing with these thoughts, fears, and plans now, I can feel more relaxed about postpartum when I actually get there.

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