9 Days Past Ovulation

So I took a test this morning.  I was so nervous to take it, I actually put it off for a few minutes by doing some other stuff in the bathroom first- brushing my teeth, washing my face…  As I had feared it, was negative (yes, the big fat negative).  For a second, I fancied I saw the faintest little line, but it really was my overeager imagination.  So basically I know nothing.

I did find this really cool site with a graph to tell you what the chances of a false negative are on each day post ovulation.  At nine days out, I was more likely to have a false negative than a positive.  I guess I should have waited longer, but I really just want to know, either way!  Ok, ok, I’m hoping for a positive, I’ll admit it!!  I’ve wanted it from day 1 even though the timing is not the most convenient.  More than anything, I don’t want to go through another two weeks of waiting next month.  The past week has literally been one of the longest of my life.  The first few days I was giddy happy and then it descended into obsession.

Now it’s depression.  False negative or not, I’ve been sitting on the couch for the past hour feeling completely discouraged.  I tried not to get my hopes up, but….  I really want to be pregnant!  Reading all the forums and what-not online written by women in my same situation, I realize that I’m really not crazy for obsessing over this.  Well, maybe I AM crazy… but at least I’m not alone.  Apparently everyone nit-picks at their symptoms and pinpoints each twinge that could possibly be a sign of pregnancy and  then stacks all their hopes upon that.  I’m not the only one.

I don’t know what my next plan of action is.  The odds of actually getting a positive increase significantly in the next two days, so I may take another test on Tuesday if I just can’t stand it (today is Sunday), or just wait and see if my period comes.  It probably will.  I’m probably not pregnant.  (I tell myself things like that so I won’t be broken-hearted when they’re true.)

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